Forever Changed By Who You Are & What You've Meant To Me

For my avid viewers.. (crickets) If you saw my 'bad news' in my Italy post, let me inform you. I haven't actually let it sink in yet and I don't intend on it until I get home. But I want to remember everything about this trip so it's important. Sorry to get personal.

When I left in January, saying good-bye to my family was hard. However, it was especially hard to say good-bye to my grandparents, as it always is. They are probably my favorite people in this world. This time was particularly hard because not only would I be gone for five months, I'd be halfway across the world. I never imagined it would be a the last time I'd see her. 

So naturally I fell in love with Spain. I would talk to my grandma often and she would always be extremely supportive. No matter what was going on with her or at home, she never wanted me to worry (of course I always did). Since I'm the one in the family who is always away from home (Providence, Spain), my family always tries to hide the bad stuff from me. It's a pretty funny joke because I ALWAYS somehow find out. When I was in Florence, I asked my mom to skype my grandma and she didn't really want me to because she didn't want me to upset me. Of course I insisted on it. That was  the moment when everything changed. My grandma, the person who taught me the art of conversation, could no longer speak. (starting to get emotional) (So happy I was with my friends for this). This was the worst thing that I've ever experienced because I was so worthless from 3,000 miles away. I spent every minute of every day thinking about what I would say if I had one more conversation with her. Out of the millions of conversations we have had, none of the right words came to mind. I wouldn't even know where to start. I could attribute everything I am to her. 

Something pretty special happened that week. My family was by her side at all times and the last few weeks sadly consisted of her not speaking logically/at all. One day I wanted to try to talk to her so I started talking. She then answered me and said, "Hi Nicole I love you so much." She also spoke about Spain. It was this break-through little miracle moment that meant the world to me. She hadn't talked for a while and she remembered ME. It made me so happy.

I knew, however, that she wasn't doing well. My parents booked a flight for me to go home that upcoming weekend because they knew that she didn't have much longer. It was the sweetest thing they could do because they knew how much it meant for me to say good-bye. I know most people may not understand, but I didn't think twice about this. However, just as fate worked in my favor on that wonderful day she spoke, it worked against me that weekend. My flight was for Friday evening but due to the storm I couldn't fly into JFK until Sunday. I arrived on Sunday afternoon and a Lincoln Navigator with a driver was there to pick me up. At first I thought it was strange but my mom is always late so I figured that was it. After some riding around and meeting up with my cousin, my mom and Danielle finally got there. When I got in the car with them to go home I said, "Pheww, I thought something had happened to gram." They looked at me with sad faces and we all started to cry. She passed away that morning. Clearly God had a bigger plan for us because my flight was cancelled and otherwise I would have been there Friday with her.

This was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It's still not real to me. My parents let me say the Eulogy and this was so important to me. It went really well. A little trembling here and there, but my dad came up halfway through. I made people laugh, think, and cry. According to Jimmy V that is what we should do everyday. 

Here are some bits and pieces of the Eulogy:

"My grandma taught us the art of conversation. You never really take the time to realize how important that is. And not just talking, but more importantly, listening as well. Often times I would admire my gram from afar, the lovely way she would make conversation with ANYONE, anywhere. It truly is a beautiful quality to have. She once wrote in a letter to me on my 16^th birthday.

Be the best in loving- Let your love show in the gracious way you greet everyone; in the smile you give to those you know wand to those you have never met; look people in their eyes when you talk with them and let them know you are interested in them and in what they are saying. Be a listener more than a talker."

"I will say...if I am 80 years old, sitting next to the love of my life and playing cards, then will I consider my life successful. They had the purest, funniest, loving relationship. Nothing warmed my heart more than the two of them trying to take care of each other. They would stay up until 5 a.m. playing Rummy. Of course, my gramp would take 15 minutes in between each turn, but she was always patient. I thank God for the day that the stars aligned and allowed my grandparents to meet. This year would have been their 30^th anniversary, and 30 years ago my gram gave him life again."

"I think the best kinds of people are the kind that inspire you to do and be better. I know that my gram has always had that affect on all of us. In everything we do will continue to work harder, pray longer, and love stronger. We are forever changed by who you are and what you’ve meant to us."